What is the Hilary Army?

It's like the Salvation Army, except no religious influence and not a registered charity and no trumpets.

What will I have to do upon joining the Hilary Army?

Nothing. Just sit back, have a cup of tea and perhaps tell some people that you are a member of the Hilary Army.

What will I gain upon joining the Hilary Army?

You will be the first to find out what is going on in Hilary's life. Whether it be problems he is having with a rash on his right hand or his proposals to take the Kingdom of Wetherby (and surrounding areas) to war with Malta. Updates will be sent by email. If you don't want to receive a mailout style email (or want to stop the email receiving pain) just let me know and you will remain a Private in the Hilary Army in spirit only.

Will I have to [get to] kill anyone?

Alas, no. Killing is not part of the Hilary Army remit.

If I felt like it, could I buy anything to show that I was in the Hilary Army?

Yes, there are plans for a Hilary fashion range of beige and brown jumpers. In the meantime we can have some more t-shirts like this printed. And then there will be the book, whenever that gets finished.

These two men were happier than they looked.

How do I join the Hilary Army?

Just send me a message through the website, or send an email to hilary.fortnum *at* yahoo.co.uk with a message subject - Please let me join the Hilary Army. I am not a mental or some such heading (please avoid using "I could kill you and make it look like an accident").

Will I ever progress to a higher rank than Private?

Have you ever been in the real army? 

Sort of. I did a year's voluntary national service after leaving school in 1964 at the Weeton Army Barracks near Blackpool. To be honest I just bummed around the amusements on the sea front with my old mate Nobber Stevens. Unlike Leslie Grantham, however, I was able to avoid murdering a taxi driver whilst serving my country.